Longings - The Third Layer

The Third Layer

Ask and it will be given to you....

I asked God to give me the courage to be unveiled. The first layer just an onion skin, revealed an abyss of “Sadness and Fear”.

The second layer revealed a depth of “Shame” that I had never encountered before.

But I want to talk about the third layer: Seems harder than the first two.

The third layer revealed “Longings and Desires”

My greatest longing at this time in my life. To play :)

Revelation 3:20, “Behold He stands at the door and knock” it is always said in such an ominous tone. Right now I hear Jesus knocking and asking “won't you come and play with me”? I am a child after all. His child. The sad thing for me is I am not sure I know how to articulate that. But I know the desire is there. I can remember playing with my own dad, camping, singing, going for walks, travelling, playing Frisbee. I loved to play catch with a Frisbee when I was a kid, and I was good at it. I loved and still love to laugh. But somehow between the pain, the sadness, and fear, the shame, the anger, I seemed to have lost that. Play seems to have been perverted... somehow satan has set us on a course of confusion of what play looks like. It is like no matter what I do... and it is fun at the time. I sense a shame of enjoying myself. And I know that, that isn't God. He had fun. He knows what He likes to do for fun.

I have watched little children and their imagination. It is amazing what the purity of a child's imagination can come up with. If we as adults came up with some of those things, we would be told that, that's child's play, precisely. We are still children, so why are we acting all growed up all the time. When I read the lyrics of this song I envision God and a little girl, walking through the woods, holding hands, talking and laughing. Watching butterflies, and smelling flowers, catching frogs, throwing rocks in a pond, sitting and playing on a log. And as they walk along God hoists her over obstacles that are too high for her climb over on her own. She is happy... the only things she cares about is that she is there, and her Fathers heart is just for her...

“My God and I walk in the fields together,

We walk and talk and just as good friends do

We clasp our hands, our voices fill with laughter

My God and I walk through the meadows hue....”

And then I envision me, my age, skipping along the railway tracks, dancing and singing, with my God. Walking laughing and still finding delight in the butterflies, and wild flowers, the frogs, and the ponds, and God is still hoisting me over the obstacles of life, the stuff that is too hard, to high to climb over. Making sure I learn to keep playing. The tears are rolling down my cheeks, as I learn to enjoy and “know” that my Fathers heart is just for me.