I want to share what it looks like for
me to “enter in”...
When I was a child, my faith was
easy... believe everything my parents told me. It wasn`t a hard thing to
do. So... here is my story...
As a small ( well I am still small) girl age 3, I wanted to help my mama in the strawberry patch... Mom says, you go and play, I don't
want you to trample the strawberry plants....(unbeknownst to
me a lie is planted) “you are not good enough” and in every comment even constructive criticism the lie that has been planted seems to be confirmed. Later in life it
translates to how I lived my life. It comes out in comments I
made about myself. “you can't do that” “you are not smart
enough”, “how dumb can you get” or in defensive things like “I
will show them I can make something of myself” In the work force,
in ministry always believing “if I please him/her I will be loved,
I will feel validated” and as I grow into a woman, I make choices although look good are based on a lie that I have believed.
And then I meet Jesus. Not the God whom I was made to fear
because “one day we will stand before God and be judged” or the
God whom I am told will step on me if I make a mistake, or
sin.
But Jesus.
As I get comfortable with Jesus, I start to ask Him, things like “where were you when” or “why am
I feeling this way” I have opened the door a crack. Not waiting
for an answer.... but as I allow Jesus to love me... I start to feel safe with Him, and I learn to ask the question without
worry or fear... “Jesus what am I feeling?” and I have entered
in.... I have entered into the “Holiest of Holies” I have come
before the “Mercy Seat” of Christ...
I feel safe enough with my Father
that – I know that nothing matters... right then and there besides the healing that He wants for me... So I take a risk,
unlike one I have ever taken before. I lay my heart naked and
bare before Him, scared and yet filled with the anticipation that
although He knows, He is asking me for permission that He might
invade and shed light into the deepest recesses of my heart. To
reveal the lies that I have believed, to dispel them and pour truth
into my heart. And when one thing at a time comes out, I see myself. My Father reveals to me who I really am in Him, How He
sees me.
After all of that – I sit at my kitchen table, and every morning I have coffee with my best
friend. I hold nothing back, We talk like there is no tomorrow. He has
blessed me with the gift of conversation. And my longing to please
others has shifted to be validated not by man but by my Creator, and
He has already done that. So no more hiding, I have learned to “Enter in” everyday. He makes me cry, and He makes me laugh. He draws me in. He has given me the gift of feeling... the gift to love
deeply.
When we have entered in...Truly entered
in, with or without trepidation, We sit, stand, kneel, lay prostrate before the Father who is on the mercy seat – and we come as we are,
not as we think we need to or should be. He is waiting...
