BEING NAKED

Being Naked

Being naked – I don't like my body in particular – But for me it is more than that. It is about the nakedness of my soul. In my nakedness, I am being vulnerable, completely open and revealing my heart and not just the things that are good, but the pain, the shame, and the sin.

My friends know that I love a natural shower out in the rain. I have the privacy to do that. And the freedom is unfathomable. Or finding that sacred – secret waterfall. And stripping everything off and allowing the water to wash over you. Oh there is freedom. And so it is with God's light... there are thoughts of “Oh No what if He sees”? But oh the freedom when we invite Him to see all of us, every part of who we are. Yes God does see all.. but He still wants to be invited. He won't come in uninvited. He stands at the door and knocks, waiting for me to open that door. So...

For the last few weeks I prayed and invited the Holy Spirit to open my deepest wound and penetrate my heart, so that I could and would be healed. I went to counselling today my heart completely open, naked, completely vulnerable and exposed, filled with anxiety and panic and completely resolved. I knew that God was answering my prayer, Even if I didn't feel God there, I told Him I would trust that He was. What I wasn't prepared for was how raw and completely real body memory is, and the physical pain effects it has. That in order to cope I needed an event to attach to it. But healing is a journey, and I wasn't capable of both allowing myself to feel my body memory and link it to an event at the same time. But it did reveal to me how important it is that I make a choice to personalize my pain, to allow it and the people involved in my pain to be real. In depersonalizing my pain, I had depersonalized myself, my God, and other people.

Depersonalizing myelf – Is exactly what the enemy wants, - As I grew up, I always said and thought “I should have been a guy I make a much better guy than a girl”. Evil delights in me being ashamed. Evil finds joy when I am unable to embrace first of all what I am.

“I AM A WOMAN”

In saying all of that... I can't stop smiling, My heart was vulnerable, naked, and completely open, I see my Papa smile and hear His voice... “Daughter you are so delightful. Thank-you for allowing me into your pain, your journey.” Lets keep walking.

So no matter what don't ever tell me “don't take this personally” because I will. I will no longer depersonalize my pain, or yours, I want to walk along side and show you how to embrace it