I DON'T TRUST YOU!

Trust Me (the Lord) with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding…. Proverbs 3:5

It is amazing how I have always said, “well God has never let me down yet so I know I can trust Him”, the other day it came to me, I was praying and this question came "What if God doesn’t answer the way I want Him to?” It was like this light came on in me “well then I will just have to do it myself” It was at that moment, I realized my lack of trust and I said the words out loud and in tears “God I don’t trust You - I want to but I don’t”… I was horrified at the thought. And yet it was the most honest thing I could have said – the first step to building trust in any relationship is honesty. I saw the places where I tried to manipulate God into answering prayers the way I wanted them answered. The places where I stepped ahead of Him, and tried to do things my way. (it never worked out in the end) And I thought wow I am such a schmuck… God smiled.

I prayed this song back in December. And it sounds wonderful but when I got to the edge of my borders, I realized how safe my borders feel to me. Without borders, really is it possible to trust God that much? Do I really know what it might take to trust without borders? Am I ready for that journey? Slowly I am allowing the spirit to lead me where my trust in Him is being tested. He is faithful. Every day is a small step. Sometimes it is a step forward and sometimes a step backwards… but as the days pass I am learning to trust. Not to make decisions based on emotion but out of wisdom and understanding. It isn't easy... Opening up my borders... Trusting God beyond my comfort zones.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, You’re my God

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine. - Hillsong